I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
