god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
