Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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