When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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