I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
