Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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