i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
