I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
organizing the empties. That sober.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Randomize
