Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
