i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
this hospital has no fireball
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
