i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
