Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
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It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
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tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
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