Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
