i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
