At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
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At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
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Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
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