so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
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I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
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Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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