I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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