ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
