3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
sarcasm needs its own font
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Randomize
