we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Hippo gnu deer
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
