when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
But we have bathrooms and they dont
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