my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize