she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
