i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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