After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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