Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize