look no pants
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
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