hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I just cut my nipple shaving
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
