So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
