i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
