Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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