god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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