is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Randomize
