whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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