the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Randomize
