so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
