wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
