Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
You were trust falling into bushes
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
