he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
