Pants 0. Shit 1.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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