He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
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