Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Randomize
