How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
