Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
