she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
