Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
