And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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