2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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