im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
