at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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