Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I stole a fireplace last night.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
