he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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