i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
