i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
