Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
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My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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