What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
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