What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if only i could text you this smell
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
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