his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
