I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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