R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Randomize
