I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
