it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
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