i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
