You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
