Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
i've created a new STD.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Panties = found
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
