More tranny stories later!
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
