I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
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