I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
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