can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
