I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
