My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
