11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
