One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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