Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
