dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
