i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize