I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
i believe in u and ur pee
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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