I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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