thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
